My current state of mind !!!

I am really wondering what I am doin and what I am supposed to be doin? Quite confused and what not!

So many things running in my mind which I am not able to express in words, but when I’m trying to, things go the opposite way. I wanted to be amongst my friends and then some how, it ended up in teams being formed and that infuriated me and I went nuts.

I know that I have to act to my age, but really, I do not know now!!!

I wanted to do something and then immediately there crops up the interruptions. Why is it happening this way and I’m not allowed to take decisions of my own and even if I take Y the people around me do not seem to approve of it???

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This represents my mind:
http://arkhiveblog.blogspot.com/2005/10/excuses.html

Hiding from my emotions, I do not want to feel
Get off my cloud and join the human race
Can't hide forever behind my depression
I try to be a good person and maybe too hard
This results in me being used and abused
People walk all over me and I let it happen
Giving me an out, an excuse to feel sorry for myself
I need to get off my ass and become responsible
How do I get there, how do I start over again
I do not know how to change; I just know I have to
Respect is the answer, for others and for me

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I think I am adjusting a lot and also taking up a lot from others, coz I want to be good and mannered, but is this what others think of me, I doubt…

Either I refuse to stand up by my mind else I do not want to hurt others emotions/feelings, but at the end of the day I’m affected to no limits and that is causing a great deal of damage to my mental and mind stability. I have started to get headaches very regularly and to top it up “Emotional Swings”

What kind of a life am I trying to lead and what am I getting to…

I’m still very confused and to all people directly or indirectly affected by me, my apologies for what ever I have caused or yet to cause.